


The Even Longer Drive

by stupid_drawings



Series: The Road Trip Series [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-10
Updated: 2011-08-10
Packaged: 2017-10-22 11:54:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/237752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupid_drawings/pseuds/stupid_drawings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock, John, and Lestrade on a road trip together, stuck in the same car for hours. The numbers are how long they have been on the road. (example: 4.27 = 4 hours and 27 minutes into the trip)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Even Longer Drive

-5  
Having been through a road trip with Sherlock Holmes and John Watson once before, Greg Lestrade knows what to expect. He tells them 7:30pm because he intends to pick them up at 8 and figures they will not be ready on time. With the delay factored in, they are only 5 minutes late leaving.

12  
John shows Greg his new MP3 player, which was previously Sherlock’s before a newer model came out. John neglects to mention that he does not know how to use it. Sherlock decides not to mention that John does not know how to use it. Greg wonders if John knows how to use it since he seems to have enough trouble working his cell phone.

18  
It is discovered that Sherlock has painstakingly replaced all of John’s music with his own, being careful to rename each song and artist so that John would not realize it had been tampered with until they were on the trip. Greg wonders if he should talk John into a restraining order against his flatmate.

20  
 _Strawberry Fields_ is playing. It sounds exactly like Morrissey’s _This Charming Man_.

22  
Sherlock has removed his shoes and socks, so John decides to also. As soon as his shoes are off, it is unanimously decided that he should put his shoes back on and keep them on. And perhaps buy foot powder.

28  
John decides he is going to nap before he has to take over driving. He makes Sherlock stay in the front seat.

46  
After making sure John is asleep, Greg makes an awkward attempt at having a heart to heart with Sherlock. Sherlock throws Greg’s full water bottle out of the window and Greg feels nothing but relief that he has an excuse not to go through with the discussion.

1.23  
 _Yellow Submarine_ is playing. It sounds exactly like _Crane Wife_ by the Decemberists. Greg calls Sherlock an idiot. Sherlock smiles and lets his hand hang out of the open window, feeling the wind.

1.54  
Sherlock sees cows, darts a glance at Greg, then watches them longingly out of his window. He is biding his time.

3.34  
It had been almost 7 months since their last out-of-town case and Greg is now remembering exactly why he did not like the parts of the last trip when John was asleep. The awkward silence continues.

3.35  
 _Penny Lane_ is playing. It sounds exactly like _Glory Box_ by Portishead. It does nothing to alleviate the awkwardness.

4.48  
They stop at a petrol station. John is wondering just what the purpose of a silly band is and how it differs from a regular rubber band. Greg is pretending to look at magazines while he tries to come up with a plan to buy a packet of Marlboros without the others noticing. He has unknowingly picked up an issue of Big Black Booty magazine.

4.49  
John looks up and sees Greg looking guilty and then he notices the magazine and decides to give the inspector some privacy while he is buying porn.

4.50  
John is looking at the drinks choosing a few sports drinks when Sherlock comes out of the bathroom and asks for some spare change. John gives it to him and Sherlock heads back into the bathroom.

4.51  
John realizes what just happened and pushes into the bathroom to stop Sherlock buying any ‘novelty items’ from the machine on the wall.

4.52  
Greg successfully buys a packet of cigarettes and is hiding them in his pocket when John and Sherlock exit the bathroom together. All three of them freeze. Greg is worried they saw the cigarettes and John is worried because he just came out of a single person restroom with his flatmate who happens to be holding three novelty condoms. Sherlock is enjoying this petrol station.

4.54  
Nobody has said anything since the petrol station. _Hard Days Night_ is playing. It sounds exactly like Johnny Cash singing _Hurt_.

6.03  
Greg is lying in the back, trying to sleep, and looking forward to smoking the cigarettes he thinks are still in his pocket. Sherlock is in the front seat looking forward to smoking the cigarettes he pickpocketed off of Greg. John is humming along to _Hello, Goodbye_ , which sounds exactly like _Tonight, Tonight_ by The Smashing Pumpkins.

6.26  
Sherlock yells for them to stop and his voice is so urgent that John does stop. Sherlock dashes out of the car.

6.27  
Greg wakes up when the door slams and is now telling John that it is his turn to keep the livestock out of the car, since it is his fault for pulling over.

6.29  
Sherlock climbs back into the car with the skull of a large animal. Greg guesses it is from a cow. John would have guessed cow, too, if he were not so busy being impressed that Sherlock spotted the skull from a moving vehicle in the middle of the night. Sherlock correctly recognizes it as horse skull.

6.57  
Sherlock has been rambling on about the horse’s life before death, including her diet, for over 20 minutes. Greg leans into the front seat and puts his finger to the tip of Sherlock’s nose. Sherlock goes silent, but only because continuing to talk would distract from his death glare.

6.58  
Greg hastily removes his finger from Sherlock’s nose and shrinks into the back seat. They have just discovered that the finger-to-nose trick only works with John’s fingers. Greg is significantly less amused by this trick now. John feels oddly flattered by this.

7.00  
Greg complains that there are still some “meaty bits” on the skull and that it smells bad. He is not happy that it is in the back seat with him.

7.32  
Greg is asleep with his hand on the horse skull. Were he awake, he would be disgusted.

8.27  
They stop to pee and stretch. Greg sneaks behind the petrol station to smoke. He discovers three novelty condoms in his pocket where he had slipped the cigarettes.

8.28  
Greg is in the middle of an epiphany about all the badges and Oyster cards he has lost over the years. John is flirting with the woman working in the petrol station as Sherlock is wondering if it is possible to injure yourself from glaring too hard.

8.35  
John’s eye does not seem to be turning black. This would be a disappointment to the woman’s large boyfriend, but he will remain blissfully ignorant. John’s head is currently resting on Sherlock’s lap as Sherlock happily presses a wrapped ice cream sandwich to John’s eye. Greg is plotting his revenge on Sherlock’s pickpocketing.

 

8.38  
John complains about the smell from the horse skull and Sherlock tosses it into the front seat. It surprises Greg and makes him swerve slightly. He is about to tell Sherlock off, but stops himself when he looks in the mirror and sees Sherlock looking down at John. The phrase “poor bastard” pops into Greg’s mind.

8.56  
John has fallen asleep with his head on Sherlock’s lap while Sherlock happily chatters on about the possibilities of the case they are driving to. After telling Sherlock all he knows about it for the third time, Greg suggests maybe they play a game of Do Not Wake John. He is laboring under the impression that it is the same as playing Keep Quiet, but it is not.

8.58  
Greg discovers that John was in the army and that he can sleep through a lot of noise. The phrase “military man” stands out in his mind, but he can’t quite pinpoint why it sounds familiar and possibly important.

9.34  
Awkward silence.

 

10.13  
They stop on the side of the road to pee in the bushes, being careful to not lock themselves out of the car. John takes over driving.

10.47  
John and Greg have been discussing politics. Sherlock has tried to change to a topic he can join in on multiple times, to no avail. As a last resort, he rolls his window down all the way so that it drowns out Greg’s voice, as well as annoys him.

10.48  
They switch topics so that Sherlock will roll his window up a bit.

10.49  
Sherlock sees goats and bides his time.

11.23  
They arrive.

 

0  
As soon as they are in the car, everyone instantly remembers what they forgot about. They have to drive with all the windows down, since leaving an uncleaned horse skull in a car out in the sun for a weekend does not make for a very fresh scent.

37  
John tries to sleep.

1.20  
Greg tries to give Sherlock some romantic advice. Sherlock throws Greg’s coffee out of the window. Greg throws Sherlock’s coffee out of the window in retaliation.

1.21  
They both laugh.

1.22  
There is still mostly silence between them, but it is more companionable silence now.

2.49  
John wakes up complaining about the smell. They stop for air fresheners.

2.55  
Sherlock sneaks behind the petrol station to smoke. Greg notices and follows.

2.57  
After a small fight, in which both Sherlock and Greg get shoved, they both end up smoking from Greg’s packet that Sherlock stole. John looks around the petrol station and wonders where the others are.

2.58  
John has searched the station and is now sure the others are not there. When they hear John calling for them, Greg and Sherlock quickly stomp their cigarettes out, try to wave away the smoke, and hide the butts. John rounds the corner and sees Sherlock and Greg having a very engrossing conversation about the case they just solved.

3.04  
Greg’s car mirror looks like a forest with how many little pine tree shaped air fresheners are hanging off of it.

3.19  
Everyone is tapping their feet along to _Nowhere Man_. It sounds exactly like _Every You Every Me_ by Placebo.

3.54  
Sherlock refuses to remove his feet from the ceiling of the car until Greg gives him a “legitimate” reason. Reasons not deemed legitimate include “because I said so” and “you’ll get it all footy”

3.55  
Greg tells John to make Sherlock take his feet down. Both John and Sherlock give him identical you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me stares.

4.43  
Sherlock’s feet are no longer on the ceiling and he is complaining about pins and needles from his feet falling asleep. John reminds Sherlock that even geniuses have circulatory systems.

4.44  
Sherlock is not pouting, much to Greg’s surprise. Greg discovers he has a new-found respect for John.

6.30  
They stop to fuel up. Sherlock buys a hot dog and two large bags of crisps. He has finished the hot dog and half of one bag before they are even back in the car.

7.22  
Greg falls asleep.

7.46  
 _Across the Universe_ is playing. It sounds exactly like _Across the Universe_ by The Beatles. John looks at Sherlock and smiles. It is John’s favorite Beatles song.

8.12  
John sees cows and in a grand gesture, promises Sherlock they will go see cows sometime, just the two of them. Sherlock wonders if it is possible to actually injure yourself smiling too hard.

8.13  
Sherlock is currently having a mini-breakdown in his head. He is suddenly terrified he might die before he and John go on that previously promised trip. He decides to be careful until then. Relatively, of course.

8.19  
His panic does not last long, as he has just fallen asleep.

8.36  
John finally notices Sherlock is asleep when he references James Bond and is not scoffed at. He continues talking.

9.10  
John is telling a sleeping Sherlock and a sleeping Greg the story of his army days, med school, how he and Harry flipped a golf cart when they were kids, what actresses he would like to sleep with, and the weirdest things Sherlock has ever done. He has already told all of these and more to Sherlock when he is passed out on the couch, but John does not feel bad repeating himself since Sherlock is never actually conscious for these stories.

10.47  
Greg finally wakes up. He is not looking forward to going in to work in a few hours.

11.02  
It is only now, near the end of the trip that anyone in the car realizes that they could have switched to Greg’s ipod instead of listening to incorrectly labeled depressing music. John decides not to share this thought out loud.

11.37  
Greg has to help John lug Sherlock up the stairs and to the couch. It is discovered that he really does sleep through being dropped down the stairs. It was only three stairs, but Greg still feels bad about it.

**Author's Note:**

> And I could not resist actually making a music mix like Sherlock's. Be warned, I seriously did go in and change all the artist and song info on the tracks, but the back cover is a track list and it is in the folder. Just don't mix the tracks in with the rest of your music if you don't like surprises!  
> Quick note about the song choices: I chose based on sound and mood more than lyrics. Any lyric connections you make are your own, I was not paying attention to them.  
> [download the .rar file](http://www.sendspace.com/file/oicgpw) (sendspace link)  
> There are free programs online for opening RAR files, like Unrar, if you have problems.
> 
> And thank you everyone that points out the distance thing, yes, it is quite unrealistic. Yes, I know. No, I am far too lazy to do anything about it other than mention it in the author's notes.


End file.
